Thailand

Hey Folks!

Once again, sorry for the lack of communicato. I guess I should have let you know that I actually did finally get better! Yes, I can now say that I survived being sick in a Bangkok guestroom for a week. Not an experience that I'd recommend, but hey, I'm feeling like a new man now. Not much exciting to write about from Bangkok except that now when I check a room, the 3 things I look for are a) a fan, b) the softness of the bed, or lack thereof, and c) what kind of toilet they have. Yes, team MacIntyre is all done with the hole in the floor toilets (aptly named 'The Bomber').

After I got better, I jumped on a bus and headed for the beaches down south. First place I landed was Kata Beach in the province of Phuket, which is just down from Patong Beach. Yes, this is where the tsunami hit, but no Mom, there won't be any more. When cruising around the towns, there aren't really any signs of it that you can see in the areas that I went to. To say that Thailand takes their tourism seriously would be somewhat of an understatement. Phuket was pretty much the exact opposite of what I was looking for though. Crazy touristy, overpriced shit being sold everywhere, and every single bar was a creepy hooker bar. Yes.....every single one. The 'bar girls' all sit on the patios and yell at bypassing tourists. Not exactly places where you go to meet people. I rented a motor scooter one day though and headed up the coast to check out a bunch of the other beaches and smaller towns, so that was cool. I actually found an authentic local market where I was the only tourist there. The beaches here are spectacular, which is why so many tourists flock to this country. Here's some quick pics from the net.

THE WIPE-OUT

As a funny story, when I was walking through a shortcut to get back to my bike one night, I pulled off one of the most dramatic sober wipe outs that I've had in a while (don't have drunken ones....I'm too smooth). I decided that I had had enough of walking around the hell known as Patong Beach, and that I wanted to get out of there. Instead of walking around through all the shit again though, I figured that I would take a short cut through one of the massive resorts that line the road along the beach here (see pic from above). When I got into the complex I realized that it was all gated and there were no doors out to the other side of the block where my bike was. After walking around inside the building for 5 minutes, I went out the nearest exit so that I could look up to find the big tower that I had initially oriented myself with when I entered the complex. Just outside the door, there was a small ledge that I had to step up onto so that I could get out from under the overhang to see the tower.

When I took my next step I realized that it didn't feel like my first step, and knew that I was in trouble. It turns out that this fancy resort had put a 2 foot deep muddy watered pond in their courtyard, complete with lilly pads and thorny plants. Given that I had just spent a month in Indonesia, it had been a while since I've encountered landscaping of this magnitude.

My brain registered the fall in 3 very separate and distinct stages:

1. Shit, I just stepped into water, and its f*#king deep.

2. Oh no, I think that my other leg is coming in to.

And then the most important stage:

3. I'm getting wet.

Yes, I literally fell full force into this pond, kicking and splashing the whole way down. Mom, I now finally know what it felt like that day at Rainbow Valley when you had that near death drowning experience in that foot and a half deep pool at the bottom of the water slide.

I popped up quite quickly and was back outside the pond in a flash, but the damage was already done. My shirt and shorts were completely drenched and covered in rancid smelling grey mud. Surprisingly, I immediately broke into a laughing fit. Thankfully nobody saw the fall, but afterwards a woman walked by when I was standing by the pond, hunched over laughing, all by myself......and soaking wet. She never said anything, but the look that she gave me was enough.

One of my sandals fell victim to the shitty smelling mud at the bottom of the pond, so I tossed the other one in for good riddance. I had to go back out around and make the walk through downtown Patong Beach with no sandals......soaking wet.....covered in mud. The hookers actually left me alone this time. I think that they could tell by the look on my face that 'happy ending' was no longer an option for me.

It was a cold drive home, but I managed to survive the fall with only a few cuts to my hands and feet.

Anyway, that is about as exciting as it gets for me these days. I am now on Ko Pha Nang island in the Gulf of Thailand, staying in a little hut on the beach with my hammock on the front. My days consist of snoozing, eating, reading and playing guitar. Yes, things are winding down for me on this trip. These tired old bones are starting to crave a nice couch, a pizza, and a good hockey game on the tube.

Bye for now. I just realized that an army of ants have infiltrated my juice box.